Feb 05

Dangerous Parenting Techniques



Dangerous Parenting Techniques

As a parent, you may have some parenting techniques that you love to share with others.  This post is the opposite of that.

This is what not to do, based on learned experience and having some mishaps along the way.




All of these stunts were performed by a parent with little to no experience.

No children were permanently physically harmed during the events.  (The jury is still out on counseling.)

These techniques are not recommended for anyone.

Last but not least, do not try this at home.

Bedtime Story

If you have been around me for a few seconds you might notice, that if I tip my head even 10 degrees, I will fall asleep.  If I lay down for a second, you will need to a cattle prod to revive me from the netherworld.

When my oldest daughter was about five years old, I laid down with her at bedtime.  The usual bedtime story was read, punctuated with lots of yawns.

Then everything went black.  Having fallen asleep, what happened next was on my watch, however I was not watching.

Wondering why the light was still on and hearing some rustling, my wife came into my daughter’s room to find me passed out.

What she also found was that our little princess had decided to try on all of her shirts.

ALL of them.

It is unclear how she managed to get that many shirts on herself.  It was like looking at an Egyptian mummy from the waist up.  I am not sure how she was moving her arms, or breathing for that matter.

Shoulder Rides

Giving your child a shoulder ride is a rite of passage for both dads and children.  Dads love to do this for two reasons:

First, let’s face it, it makes the child easier to contain.

Second, it makes you feel strong and protective and elevates you to hero status.

My second child at around five years old, (must be the magic number) was riding on my shoulders, not a care in the world.  We were headed into a video store to rent a movie.

As we passed through the door, there was a strange tearing sound.  Wondering what it was, I turned and looked up.

Dangling from the hinged door closer was a long chunk of my daughters beautiful blond hair!

So much for strong and protective.

Luckily it didn’t faze her and when telling her this story, she had no recollection of it.

I wonder what people thought as they walked into the store…

Counter Intuitive

Another incident with my oldest, found us at a different video store one evening (must be the magic place).  After finding the movie I wanted to watch we proceeded to the checkout line.

When it was my turn to pay, I gently and carefully sat my daughter on the counter.

Reaching for my wallet to get my membership card and money, I turned away for just a second.

My daughter must have leaned forward just a little bit, just enough to cause her to slip off the counter.

Next to where we were standing there was a very large gumball machine.  Her head smacked into the beach ball sized glass globe.

She slid down the rest of the machine like a fireman would on a pole.  Relief came over me as I saw that she was okay, until I turned around.

Almost in unison, the entire line of customers behind me were shaking their heads as if saying “bad dad” while glaring at me in embarrassing disgust!


Baby Fingernails

With my third child, we must have perfected our parenting.  There is an eight year gap between her and my second.  Plenty of time to work out all the kinks.

However, when she was just a few months old, I was using the cute little safety nail clippers to clip her razor sharp nails.  You know to protect her from herself.

As she stared into my eyes with love, she didn’t even notice that I had clipped itty bitty chunks out of the tips of her fingers.

She never even cried.  I only knew it happened because her tiny little fingers wouldn’t stop bleeding….

There are more stories like these but I want to hear yours….


How has your child survived your parenting blunders?

  • I too always fall asleep when I try to lay down for “just a minute…”

    I’ve driven off without my infant actually buckled in the car seat. I’ve yelled too much. I’ve underreacted and overreacted. I’ve done lots wrong, and haven’t we all.

    Thanks for sharing some of yours 🙂

    • David Mike

      Yes to all the above. Our youngest is now old enough to say “Hey, I’m not buckled!”

  • David Bouchard

    Oh, I’ve got so many. Like the time my oldest son and I were on a hike and I thought it would be wise to throw my son across the creek. It was too far for him to jump. I had second thoughts at the last minute and tried to pull back. He ended up landing right in the middle. He was probably about 4. It was fall, so it was chilly. I think I won father of the year that year.

    • Judith Heaney-mcKee

      David, does he remember that day?

    • David Mike

      That’s hilarious! Sounds like he got a hike, a swimming lesson and a cold weather survival class all in one day.

  • Michelle Girard

    One time at Walmart (all my stories could probably start that way) I had strapped my then roughly 10 months old in the cart. I was standing in line when I heard a woman gasp “Oh no” I turned around just in time to swoop in like a super hero and catch him before he hit the cold hard Walmart floor. Of course I didn’t feel like a super hero. I felt like a mom who either didn’t strap her baby in the cart, didn’t do a good job strapping him in the cart, or at the very least didn’t watch him while strapped in the cart.

    • David Mike

      Even with all those warnings they put on the carts, it seems as if our kids don’t want to be bothered with safety rules. My youngest would wiggle out of the belts and stand up in the seat! This all happened at Target though, which is how all our stories could probably start. (I am a Team Member)

  • margi clark

    When my oldest was born, car seats were just coming into popularity. I knew I needed to get one when I came home from the hospital. When she was three days old, I got up, got dressed and started the drive to JC Penney’s at Southroads..( I lived in South Omaha)drove about three miles thinking about what kind of car seat to buy when I realized I left her in her crib at home. I as hysterical til I got home. (she slept the whole time I was gone). needless to say, I felt horrible.

    • David Mike

      I think everyone has a story like that. Good thing she was still asleep. Never knew what happened!

  • Daniel Mike

    One time I was holding my firstborn and wad walking down the tile stairs in my house when I slipped. I fell backwards and she instinctively, like a ninja, kicked off my chest. As I reached out to grab her she did a 360° flip in the air. She was out of reach and falling fast. I thought for sure she would have fallen down the 6 or 7 feet right onto her head and died. Fortunately, she landed like a cat on all four on a very stuffed backpack full of blankets and diapers. Her torso cradled the bag. She didn’t cry…until I freaked out about what happened, flew into a hysteria and raced her to the ER because I thought for sure she was broken. After I insisted on x-rays, they revealed nothing was wrong with her. Not even a scratch. Afterwards I thought they were gonna take her away from me. She was less than 1 and now she’s 8. It’s all good. Whew…

    • Judith Heaney-mcKee

      I cannot imagine how frightening that must have been in the moment…thank God there was a backpack of blankets and diapers for her to land on. I would definitely have freaked out!

    • David Mike

      That’s crazy, great description though. I can see your hysteria. I can’t believe you got them to take x-rays!

  • Judith Heaney-mcKee

    One night, when my oldest was but a wee babe (I think she was nine months), we were visiting my parents and we’d set up a railing on the side of a double bed where we were both taking a nap. At one point during the nap, she slipped through the bottom where the rail met the bed (I still have no idea how she managed that). I freaked out and sprang into action, scooping her up in a frenzy, only to realize that she was still sound asleep…

    • David Mike

      Those little ones seem to have a way to wiggle into the strangest places. I think God makes them out of rubber at that age.

  • We left the hair dryer plugged in and our twins found it and burned holes in the carpet while we were putting our other son to bed. There’s four perfect circles in the carpet in their bedroom. 🙂

    • David Mike

      I can be your prayer room. “The Holy Room”

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