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Dec 10

Rambo Knife Plus Teen Boy Equals ER

Bayou

Bayou

Rambo Knife Plus Teen Boy Equals ER

When I turned 13, I proposed a purchase to my mom and dad. I know that it was probably something that they had been waiting their whole lives to hear. I exclaimed with great enthusiasm “I want a Rambo knife!” Now I know what you’re thinking, “He’s going to hurt himself!” Of course, that’s what my mom said too. I did not grow up hunting or fishing or anything remotely rugged at all, so this was a possibility. I had some training in marksmanship and my parents already allowed me to own a pellet rifle. To date, I had never shot my eye out, so I figured I was good.

 

They must have agreed, because my dad took me to buy the most awesome survival knife ever! It was really big, really shiny and really sharp! It had a screw off lid on the hilt which revealed a hollow handle. This is where you could put all kinds of “just in case you ever get stranded in the wilderness” stuff.  Things like: matches for starting fires, string for maybe getting yourself out of a hole, fishing line and hook for obviously fishing (which I had never done), and a sewing kit for maybe if you tore your clothes or if you ever cut yourself in the wild you could sew yourself back together.  You never know, you know.  I had plans for this new toy!

My brother, some friends and I used to climb through a hole in the fence that separated military housing from the wild Louisiana bayous.  Once in the jungle like atmosphere, we would try to catch snapping turtles and hunt snakes and craw-fish with my pellet rifle.  Mind you, there were some seriously venomous snakes living back there, like copperheads, water moccasins and various other sorts of craziness.  But we were boys wearing camo, with a pellet gun, and so we were invisible and lethal!  Once we got a snake, we would skin it and take the skin home to dry, which my mom was thrilled about.

Alligator
Alligator

We actually saw an alligator once, but it quickly jumped into the bayou and swam away.  Once, while crossing over the bayou on a slick log, by brother fell into the brown water and went under.  It was said alligator that my brother was sure he was standing on when he hit the bottom.  I didn’t see anything though and he still has all his arms and legs.

Snake
Snake

On the first excursion with the knife, my friend and I headed to the hole in the fence.  We were in search of snakes.  Through the dense foliage we trudged deeper and deeper in search of our next kill.  Underneath some ground covering green plants, I noticed the biggest snake I had ever seen outside of a zoo.  Only part of it was visible and that part was huge.  It looked like some kind of constrictor.  It was at this point, I realized, I forgot the gun!  No problem, I would just make a spear using my handy Rambo knife and a stick.  As I started to fashion the deadly javelin, I broke the only knife rule there is:  “Don’t cut towards yourself.”

As the blade entered my finger, I realized only too late, that I had broken this rule.  All that was keeping my knuckle on the first digit of my index finger was a little piece of skin.  So I dropped my spear, sheathed my knife, wrapped my now bloody finger with the bottom of my t-shirt, and ran.  It was a couple of miles to the ER.  Because I had to run, all the blood that pumped out of my finger was now splattered all over my shirt from my waist to my neck.  As I entered the ER, the desk personnel with a horrified look on her face said “What happened?”  In my adrenaline rush, I shouted “I cut myself, with this!”  as I held the knife up like a scene from “Psycho”.

They called my parents and told them I had multiple lacerations to the hand and so they showed up immediately.  I ended up getting stitches, and saving the knuckle however, you guessed it, the snake got away!  As I’ve said before, I think God gave me daughters for a reason.

What is something you wanted so bad you couldn’t stand it, and then ended up being a bad idea?

  • Brittney Bennett

    When I was young I lived in a neighborhood in the woods with no neighboring houses or children. I had a little sister, but with her being six years younger and oh so annoying I’d rather play alone. I often rode my bike that I won by selling the most raffle tickets for my hometown soccer association. It was red and beautiful and just a tad bit oversized but that didn’t stop me. I pedaled daily and became very good at riding it. I would jump curbs, pull wheelies and would have my dad drive by my side to see how many miles per hour I could go. I remember topping out at 17 MPH and was impressed with myself, as was my dad. It was downhill but still impressive. I always had to wear a helmet, which I hated. One day I decided I wasn’t going to wear it. I was probably 12 and a master at my new bike. I pedaled and pedaled to the top of the hill at the end of the street. I reached the top, turned around, caught my breath, and took off. I was soaring. As a bird soars with his wings out and my incredible balancing skills, I let go, spread my wings and began to fly! The wind blowing through my long golden hair I felt invincible. I closed my eyes to max this amazing experience. I was as in tune with nature and self as any 12 year old could ever be.
    Of all the lots in our neighborhood someone had decided to buy and build on the one right next to our house. The lot was being leveled and a recent rain storm had washed the dirt into mud onto the street. With the trucks driving through the mud, the street was dried into dirt rumble strips.
    I was approaching the bottom of the hill, still feeling high on life. I opened my eyes. One second too late, I saw the danger milliseconds ahead, panicked, reached for my handlebars, too late. My tire hit the mess on the road, my handle bar buckled, my bike stopped, and my body got to experience a brief second of actually flying. I landed. Blackness.
    I woke up to my mother in panic. Blood coming from places I was unsure about. She carried my delusional self as the pain started to set in. I vomited and remember being confused as to why. She rushed me to the hospital where I was given a couple stitches and a concussed diagnosis. My beautiful bike was not so fortunate. I remember the doctor in a stern, accusing voice proclaim to my mother, “You should NEVER let her ride a bike without a helmet.” My mom instantly glared at me, piercing me with the “I told you” look, I cowered like a sad puppy, ashamed to have disappointed my mother. Up until that moment it was all worth it.

    • dilemmamike

      Great response, I keep saying you need your own blog! Do it!

    • David Mike

      Thanks for that awesome story! You need to start your own blog, I will be your first follower.

  • Ouch! Glad you got to the hospital in time to save your knuckle… 🙂

    • David Mike

      Yes, me too!

  • Jan Moyer

    Just checking out your blog for the first time, David – looking forward to catching up.

    I really wanted this Madonna-like headband back in 1985 or so. I bought it with my own money and wore it maybe twice. No injuries, but pretty horrible.

    • David Mike

      Madonna was a serious trendsetter. A lot of girls in high school tried to look like her. Thanks for reading my blog, I appreciate it!

  • Mike, this story is just so great. Would you mind if I shared it with my high school writing students? 🙂

    Laura

    • David Mike

      Yes, I am honored. Let me know how they like it.

  • Steven Tessler

    What a great story! I’ve got many also. I should write them out too. Hmmmm something more to write about.

    • David Mike

      I would like to hear some of those. I bet you have a bunch of good ones!

  • I leased a brand new Ford Explorer Limited right out of college. (I hadn’t heard of Dave Ramsey yet). I wanted the vehicle so bad, and I didn’t understand all the financial ramifications to this decision. Several months later, I began to comprehend the trouble I was in related to the overmileage chargers. What was I thinking!

    • David Mike

      Fleece!

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