Oh No, What Have I Done?
Oh no, what have I done?….
If you know me in person, or if you have read my previous posts, I generally tend to be more lighthearted. My dilemma is that because of my past, I have to shift gears completely to tell my story.
The posts related to this particular life event will be of a more serious nature. Being a Christian and from a career military family, you can imagine the guilt and shame that would follow such a mess.
This post is not to glorify my past but to reveal it. This is the beginning of a true story about my life. For years this story had been told in passing and in pieces.
I have finally come to the point in my life where I feel God wants me to share it. To quote Max Lucado “This is the kind of mess God can use for good.”
I hope you can bear with me as I become authentically transparent. Thank you in advance for reading.
October 1989, Alexandria, Louisiana.
A friend of mine came in to the nightclub and told me that he overheard some cops in the parking lot saying they were coming in to get me. I told people that if I ever got caught, I would consume everything I had on me and go out in oblivion.
For some reason the day before, I put one hundred Ecstasy pills in one by one inch plastic zip lock baggies that I normally used for LSD. This prevented me from taking any.
Two Sheriffs, walked in, creating no exit for me. As one of them grabbed my arm, I simultaneously dropped my jacket containing all of my drugs on the floor.
Outside, I was slammed up against the wall and told not to move by the Officer who was pointing his gun at me. I was searched and they only found ten cents in my pocket.
This made them angry because this was supposed to be a legitimate bust. I think if they had noticed the jacket, this would have all been worse for me. I deserved it but, I have to say I am glad that they never found it.
I was cuffed and shoved into the car, and at that point the gun was holstered.
As the metal door was locked shut, I realized that this was for real. I was not getting out of this one. All the running, drugs and freedom was over.
My stupidity and bad choices led me to this point. I was in jail. My head still numb from the Ecstasy I took before they grabbed me.
My wrists still sore from having the handcuffs on in the car, and while sitting in a chair as the Louisiana State Police interrogated me.
I asked for the smacks in the head because, I was either smart mouthing, or not telling them what they wanted to hear. They were talking about my, having polluted their community with illegal drugs.
As I lay on the steel bed, in this dark cell, I knew that the “God, if you just get me out of this” prayer was not going to work. I was only 19 years old and I had seriously screwed up.
I think I cried. I am not totally sure, but I think I did. I thought of my family living in Germany.
My parents were probably going to be glad I finally was caught. At least they would know where I was.
I could never really let them know because my dad was in the Air Force and if he knew, he would have to turn me in, or be charged for aiding a military fugitive.
I was AWOL.
About six months prior to this night, I had run away from the Army.
I believe God was with me but, I was not with God.
Oh no, what have I done?….