Sep 10

Things Kids Are NOT Allowed To Say.

Things Kids Are NOT Allowed To Say!

Growing up we lived in a fairly strict household with many rules and procedures.

There were things that we were allowed to do and things that we could not.

We were absolutely not allowed to say the word….


You probably thought I was going to say something else but no, the word we could not say is FART.  I am not sure why my parents would not allow us to say it.

We had certain phrases that we were allowed to use to describe this incident.  We could say, “passed gas”, ‘tooted’ or when my grandmother lived with us she introduced us to “let a corker!’.

In the UK it is called having a “case of the wind”.  They must not be able to use the “F” word either.

One of our children coined the phrase “excuse me from my bottom”.  Kind of like burping out the other end, which is gross, but it’s cute when a little kid says it.

It really is a funny word for a strange bodily function.  I wonder what God was thinking when he created this phenomenon.

It is the thing that I laugh the hardest at during a movie.  It is the thing that women say they never do but, men really know that women would be exploding all over the place if this were true.

I was a little nervous to talk about this word because I did not want this post to define me as a writer, but just this morning I heard Jeff Goins say on a podcast, (click here to listen) that when dating his wife he was so nervous that he would fart.

So if Jeff can do on a broadcast, I can blog about it.

Unintentionally, we must have passed my parents tradition to our children.

On two occasions, our daughters came home from school very distraught.

They had overheard one of their friends say the “D’ word and another friend say the “S” word.

Bracing ourselves for the worst, and with a pained look on our faces, we said “Go ahead tell us…..” They replied,



These are what our precious little daughters thought were the “D” and the “S’ words?

Oh you poor sheltered little Mike girls.

Have we been to protective?

Have we made the difficult decision to keep you from the dark forces outside our front door too long?

How will you ever survive high school?

I suppose, if this is the worst failure of our parenting, we must be doing okay.

I mean they will eventually hear other versions of what can be behind these letters, but not out of our mouths.

And if they hear those words, they had better not call the offenders dumb or stupid.

Oh, and can you imagine the excitement my parents felt, when we moved to Germany and started to learn German from reading road signs…..



The German words for “Entrance” and “Exit” are “Einfahrt” and “Ausfahrt”.

What were the things were you told you could NOT say growing up?  

Or, how about your children?  

Careful, my kids read this blog!


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    • Mark Ryan on September 10, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    My kids have recently taken to calling farts “bummy whizzums”, so I call burps “belly whizzums”. We don’t say curse words in our home (or outside of it either, but I can’t control other peoples’ potty mouths in public places), I’m not sure if it is so much a rule as it is just a way of life for us.

    1. I am so stealing these new words. That is so original and will bring laughter for days! If your kids ever use trash language, you can make them eat BBQ off a trash can lid!

      • David Mike on September 11, 2013 at 6:54 am

      I am so stealing these new words. That is so original and will bring laughter for days! If your kids ever use trash language, you can make them eat BBQ off a trash can lid!

  1. We have a few words like this in our house. We attempt to strike a balance between ignoring them a few times to see if it sticks and telling them not to say it. Our 2yo isn’t the issue. The 4yo is. He learns quite a bit from school, so we feel like we’re constantly battling against a team of potty-mouthers…

    1. Fortunately, our kids still come home and ask questions. Not sure we always want to answer but, we do to make sure we are their resource. Darn those other people’s kids!

      • David Mike on September 11, 2013 at 6:55 am

      Fortunately, our kids still come home and ask questions. Not sure we always want to answer but, we do to make sure we are their resource. Darn those other people’s kids!

  2. As of late, our 8yo, 6yo and 5yo have been prone of late to quote and regurgitate potty language from in creative and competitive fashions. I have to admit, as a guy, it can be somewhat funny. But both my wife and I have feet planted in our efforts to redirect! With words like dumb and stupid, we try to explain that how those words can hurt people, and focus on the impact.

    1. So you have boys I take it? Sounds like testosterone rules in your house? Redirection is great!

      • David Mike on September 11, 2013 at 6:57 am

      So you have boys I take it? Sounds like testosterone rules in your house? Redirection is great!

      1. David, we have boys 8 and 5 and girls 6 and 3. The older three feed off each other, and being creative and passionate, their story telling does need some redirection at times!

  3. Uh-oh. I gotta watch what I say on the Internet? Say it ain’t so…

    1. Just on my show.

      • David Mike on September 12, 2013 at 1:00 am

      Worked perfectly in my post, thanks for taking the hit!

  4. As my grandfather used to say: “Some people pick their nose and think it’s funny, but it snot.”

      • David Mike on September 12, 2013 at 12:59 am

      Great podcast, first time listener but have you in my feed.

    • TooHappyToPlayTheBlues on September 12, 2013 at 10:38 am

    In the first part of the 20th Century, that particular “F” word was a vulgarism. My parents never used it, and when my brother and I came along, the non-use was passed on to us as we were never allowed to say it. It has since been culturally accepted, but old habits die hard and I still never say it. See, I’m deftly avoiding saying it right now….

      • David Mike on September 13, 2013 at 6:29 am

      First part of the 20th century? Wow you must be ancient! Thanks for reading dad. I almost mentioned what we used to say to the base cops, when we would drive through the front gate!

        • TooHappyToPlayTheBlues on September 13, 2013 at 12:26 pm

        I hide my age real well 🙂 Thanks for not mentioning the base gate thing!

  5. A friend told me that her lack of knowledge of bad words almost caused her husband to crash the car driving down the freeway. She made an innocent remark about letters someone had sprayed on the overpass: “That person sure is everywhere.” She thought they were someone’s initials. He lost it – almost literally.

      • David Mike on September 13, 2013 at 6:30 am

      That is too funny! Be careful when reading graffiti!

  6. We couldn’t say that growing up. Others were: crap, stupid, dumb, shut up, and dang.

    I have boys. Body functions and nakedness are hilarious to them. The 2yr old runs thru the house without clothes and yells Nekkid!!!

    It’s a good thing I had 5 little brothers and know this is natural. I also happen to know this is not a phase and will do on forever. Haha

      • David Mike on September 22, 2013 at 4:00 pm

      I have 3 daughters and this is not gender specific, so I am finding out! Especially with the 3 year old. Thanks for reading!

    • Brittney Bennett on September 25, 2013 at 3:04 am

    I was not allowed to say “bored” or “annoying.” My sister said she was bored one time when she was probably 6 and my parents packed up all her Polly Pockets, Bratz, and Barbies and put them in trash bags and kept them in the garage for a week. And if I called my sister “annoying” she would get to play with me and my friends as long as she wanted. And I had to tell her I loved her and SINCERELY apologize. If my dad felt it wasn’t sincere I had to, in his stern words, “try again.”
    I remember a little girl falling on her bottom and “tooting” as she hit the floor, she looked at her mom surprised and confused as she exclaimed, “Mommy, my butt burped!” Had to share! Keep blogging!

      • David Mike on September 25, 2013 at 7:16 am

      I think not being able to say “bored” is a great idea. Sounds like your parents were trying to create unity. Butt burp, gotta remember that. LOL

    • margi clark on January 9, 2014 at 3:25 am

    I’m re-reading your old posts and I must have missed this one the first time. Hilarious! Haley isn’t allowed to say ‘shut up’ or ‘stupid’..both are the worst words in my opinion. Had the same rules for my daughters. Since you know the will appreciate this..with as much trouble as Kristin was in..she still never says those words. 🙂

      • David Mike on January 9, 2014 at 7:31 pm

      You have to hold on to some truths in life. Proper communication is a great foundation! We allow our kids to speak these words in context now as long as they are not identifying anyone. Like Dave Ramsey’s “stupid tax” idea, would ok. And lets just admit, fart is funny!

    • Angela on January 15, 2014 at 8:22 pm

    Thanks for sending me this link David. I really enjoyed the post and it reminded me of so many things from my own childhood. One of the exceptionally strange ones was that my mum (and there was just the two of us), wouldn’t use the word breast, so when she went to the butchers she would ask for two chicken chests, which as you can imagine was hilarious to the butchers.
    One of the worse days of my life was when I had to read out in English class from a book and about seven paragraphs in, I had to read out the word “breast” as part of the sentence. I thought I might pass out in class. It was a nightmare. Thankfully, I seem to have come through it all and am quite reasonably well-adjusted (I think – perhpas you should check with my husband). But you are bringing some wonderful memories back and made me think that perhaps I should start writing about some of these things from my childhood. Thanks for the memories and the for making me laugh.

      • David Mike on January 15, 2014 at 9:01 pm

      I have used the word chest as a substitute when talking to my 3 daughters, and also “bottom” as anything below the waist. Funny how we are scared of words!

        • Angela on January 16, 2014 at 7:58 pm

        Same in our household David for the use of bottom. However, in many ways it’s no bad thing. I see so many young girls growing up way too fast in my opinion.

  7. We couldn’t say shut up or call someone stupid, and burping without saying excuse me was intolerable … I guess I have passed it onto my niece, she is pretty good and avoiding these things. Passin’ it on down I guess!

      • David Mike on March 24, 2014 at 6:28 pm

      Generational etiquette. We’re not as strict at our house now. It’s cute to see what our 3 year old comes up with sometimes.

    • Shari on August 2, 2014 at 8:48 am

    Yup – those words were not allow in our house growing up either. Also, any swear word was not allowed except for the sh_ _ word. Fer dum. I don’t know why that one was okay.

    In my own house, my kids have LEARNED not to say the word “bored” because I will give them something to do. We also can not say “fat” or “diet” in this house. We have girls here. We say “healthy” instead. 🙂

      • David Mike on August 4, 2014 at 8:18 pm

      Sounds like you have a healthy home! It’s funny what trickles down from our parents and how we try to be different.

    • Steven Tessler on August 2, 2014 at 5:50 pm

    In our home the “S” word is still off limits. I myself can’t stand this word!! Through out my life I was told I was stupid by my teachers and friends alike. When I was married to my first wife she say I was all the time.

    I know I’m not stupid but it is a powerful word and I don’t want my children using it. I know they have but I remind them that every word has power and this is certainly a powerful word.

      • David Mike on August 4, 2014 at 8:21 pm

      I agree with you! We do use the “S” word but never in relation to a person. I would like to use a different “S” word for you Steven (besides Steven.) It’s STUPENDOUS!

  8. Okay, we had the same rules growing up, but Einfahrt and Ausfahrt are hilarious! I took German in high school. Either I forgot, which is most likely, or they did not teach us those words!

    My 20 year old son will probably get a kick out of knowing this tid bit of German.

      • David Mike on July 25, 2017 at 8:33 am

      I was fun to say, I hope the teacher takes it well.

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