di-lem-ma: a problem involving a difficult choice.
Never Trust a Man with Two First Names
“Never trust a man with two first names.” This is usually what I hear when I introduce myself. What does this mean? I’m still trying to figure it out.
My last name is Mike, first name David. This has been a source of confusion my whole life. Who has Mike for a last name anyways?
It’s kind of unique, kind of weird.
- Great-Grandpa Mike
My Great-Grandfather, Giuseppe Antonio Michele, made the decision to leave Italy to make a better life for himself here in America.
As is the case with many immigrants, the agent who processed him either could not understand his accent, or just wanted to Americanize his name and changed it to, Joseph Anthony Mike.
His decision to move here, not only increased our quality of life but, also gave us the opportunity to play the name game.
When I was younger I tried to tell people that our last name was really Skullnelly.
Mike was just the last name given to us when we entered the witness relocation program.
Mike just couldn’t be a REAL last name. Not sure anyone ever actually believed me.
If you see the picture of me in my youth, you understand that I needed all the cool points I could get.
David “Skullnelly” Mike
Over the phone, when asked for my last name, and I say Mike, the usual response is “I said your LAAAAST name.” (Emphasis intended).
After reassuring them that I understand questions presented to me in English, the usual comeback is, “Then how do you spell that?”
And those poor telemarketers that ask, “May I please speak to Mr. Mike David?”
“Well sorry, he doesn’t live here.”
During Basic Training the object is to avoid the most pain, suffering and humiliation from the Drill Sergeants.
You try to blend in and not get singled out for any reason, from all the other shaved head, camo wearing individuals.
No luck there… “You, two first names, get over here…”
One of my favorite comments was, “Hey, why do you get to have your first name on your uniform?”
At my current job as a Cosmetology Instructor, I go by Mr. Mike.
It seems as if the Mr. part just gets dropped off after a while by our regular clients.
It is just, “Hey, Mike!” , “Isn’t that right, Mike?” or “Go get Mike, he knows how I like my hair cut.”
After finding out that my first name is David, they usually say, “You don’t look like a David, you look like a Mike!”
Well I am technically, sort of ish.
With three daughters, the Mike girls will not have the last name curse follow them after they get married.
Unless they make the guy change his last name to Mike, or what if his first name is Mike?
I really do like my last name and I am used to all the comments.
This is a good thing because they will probably never stop.
By the way, you CAN trust me.
My middle name is Charles which triples out the two first name thing…
Is anyone out there with me?